I just got caught up on the story of a friend whose daughter is very sick. My email just pinged with one of our members undergoing some scary tests. Tuesday night I was shown a video depicting (graphically) the aftermath of abortions. I spent yesterday with some friends from Iran and heard story after story of how Christians are persecuted there. We’ve spent months researching the state of poverty in our world today as a staff.

I’m sitting at my desk in tears.

There’s a ton of suffering going on in the world. Those of us who belong to Jesus have a natural sympathy to the pain around us. And most of us don’t know how to handle it.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are only two options. Bury your head in distractions or let your heart-break.

I’ve spent a lot of my life having moments of heartbreak only to be followed with living with distractions. Removing reminders that others are suffering and unwillingly forgetting what I already know. We’ve all been there. It’s that commercial about starving children or dying animals that we automatically look away from. I do this mainly because the world is big and I can’t fix it all. It’s easier to live my life with my family and remember others in prayer when it comes to mind.

That is such an easy way to live. But I believe we are called to more.

I believe we are called to have hearts that break. Romans 12:15 says as much. “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Several times in the Gospels it says “Jesus was moved with compassion”. The movement of compassion is the trigger that leads to action.

I think that’s the reason we distract ourselves. We know, deep down, that we can’t just impassively see suffering so we choose to ignore it. We know we can’t endure injustice so we pretend as if it isn’t happening.

We rationalize it well. “The problem is too big and I’m too small”, we may say. And we’re probably right. But Jesus didn’t call us to a life determined by our own infinitesimal abilities. He called us to a life committed to Him and lived out in faith and hope. The faith that if we do what we can, where we can; He’ll do what only He can do where we can’t. The hope that says; “I may not be able to change everything, but I CAN CHANGE SOMETHING“.

So here’s my encouragement to you (and to me) today. Let your heart-break. Don’t shut it down and don’t stifle the tears. Let them roll down your cheeks and feel deeply the pain of others. Because if we let our hearts break, then action is never very far behind.

*If you’re local to the Garner/Clayton/Cleveland/Raleigh area, I’d love for you to join us this Sunday at 10AM. We’ll be changing the world that day…don’t miss it.

This would be a good time to remind you that the views on this blog are personal and in no way reflect an official view of the church (Quest Fellowship) that I work for.

This week in North Carolina there was a vote on Amendment One. Amendment One reads:

Constitutional amendment to provide that marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this State.
I’ve stayed pretty quiet on this and avoided Facebook on the day of the vote. Yesterday I had a chance to catch up to what had been said there. It was an interesting bit of reading to say the least. It all boiled down to these two camps.

Camp One (for the amendment): Being gay is a sin and I’m for amendment one. If you disagree with me, you are obviously a sinner. Nothing you can say will change my mind.

Camp Two (against the amendment): Being gay is not a choice. That’s makes this a civil rights issue and if you are for it you are a bigot. Nothing you can say will change my mind.

What was missing for me was this; we’re ALL people loved by a Savior and people that Jesus is longing to save. He longs to save us from ALL of our sins. Homosexuality is a sin and so is that third cheeseburger I ate. Being drunk is sinful and destructive just like tearing down my neighbor through slander and hate is sin.

I know that Christians may feel like we are in an untenable position. We believe (I should say most believe…I have friends that don’t share my viewpoint on the Bible’s take on homosexuality) that homosexuality is a sin along with a number of other things. It’s heartbreaking to see sin becoming so casual in the place that we live and raise our children.

It’s my belief that most Christ followers love gay people. It’s my strong belief that if they don’t, they should. I believe that most Christ followers would love (above anything else) to see Jesus do for the homosexual what they pray Jesus is doing in them; making them free from the desires of their own and making them more like Jesus.

The problem is that the conversation around Amendment One did nothing to help toward that end. It made it an us against them situation. I saw Christians attacking other Christians and people without a relationship with God mocking other people’s faith and attacking their intellect. I doubt many people walked away from Facebook Tuesday feeling loved or drawn closer to Jesus.

And I believe that made the devil smile.

I’m sure we’ve all dealt with our fair share of jerks. People who only care about their own agenda and what’s best for them. Always looking out for number one no matter the relational cost to others.

I’ve dealt with a few jerks in my day. I’ve even been one on more than one occasion. Early in my ministry life I was a doormat for those jerks. I valued relationship and “living peaceably” so much that I would allow things then that I would never stand for today.

I grew up in a denomination that was very much like family. My first step outside of that held a rude awakening for me. Back then I was a sax player first, a beginning keyboard guy and wanna be songwriter. I sang as well but was content just directing the band and facilitating worship however I had the opportunity to at the time.

I got to a “big” church and volunteered there. I sang a couple of Sundays over my first few months there. Then one afternoon the worship leader sat me down to have a chat.

“Adam, you won’t be leading worship anymore. Because if I let you lead worship, people will figure out you’re better than me…”

It’s a moment I’ve never forgotten. In retrospect, I’m sure he felt he was doing the right thing. And it probably took guts to confess that to me. I, however, walked away with hurt feelings, frustration and thinking he was indeed a jerk. But, that moment changed my leadership forever.

I decided I never wanted to be that kind of leader. I determined that I would share my platform and be generous to others. His jerkness helped shape me in a way that his goodness to me probably would not have. That moment was the first of a couple of moments where it’s been clear that God had ordained some people to share their jerk sides to teach me things I wouldn’t have learned otherwise.

Now when I run into someone who’s intent on being a jerk, I wonder if God isn’t prodding them on.

I used to believe that worship needed to be polished to be beautiful. We coordinated our wardrobes. We had 3 hour rehearsals and extensive talks about “stage presence”. Our conversation was always about God is worthy of our “best”.

While there is a practical nature to what we do as worship leaders, I feel I missed the point early on (and maybe I’m missing it still). I do believe we should give God our “best”; but here’s the thing:

Our best is nothing compared to what He’s worth. And it’s not even close.

One of the most beautiful moments of personal worship I’ve experienced is when I found out my Mom had cancer. The world was uncertain and death was more a reality than ever before. But in that moment of fear and uncertainty I found God to be enough.

As I led our congregation in worship, I was no longer as concerned about hitting the notes perfectly or hitting my transitions beautifully (all things I love). But now I was consumed with one thing. God is worthy. Period. No. Matter. What.

That realization came then and continues to come from only one place. Brokenness.

It came crashing in again in November when anxiety and depression gripped my heart. It’s been my dark night of the soul. I’m sure I’ll share more later, but for now I’d say it completely turned my world upside down. My wife had to encourage me to worship and pray.

There was one day in particular I sat at the piano and played and wept. It was all I could do to hold it together. It was just me and God. I had nothing to offer. He had everything to give. That startling realization broke my heart for how much He loves me and how much I need Him.

I believe that worship pleased God.

In Psalm 51:16 & 17 David puts it this way: “For you will not delight in sacrifice, I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

I’m not sure where you are today. Maybe you’re gripped with the pain of living in a fallen world. Maybe you’re crushed by the weight of your own sin and bad choices.

Whatever broken place you find yourself in; worship there. I promise it will be beautiful to the One you’re worshiping and it might even change you in the process.

So many times in life and ministry I want to have the answers. That’s why people seek out pastors to talk to, right? Give me the solution…help me make sense of my tragedy…tell me something to ease the pain.

Why did my Mom get cancer? Why did they have to die? Who is Jesus, really? If God is love…? How do I know that I’m really following God or am I just going through the motions?

If anyone has the answers to these questions, shouldn’t it be the Church? Shouldn’t God’s people have the inside track on the hows and whys of life? But there are so many stories that never make sense to me. Question after question that I don’t know the answer to.

One of the main reasons I don’t have an answer is because everyone wants the answer to be simple. Now I can fake it with the best of them. I call it my spiritual gift of BS. But sometimes I just want to say:

I don’t know and you don’t know and maybe we never will. The bigger truth is, the answer is rarely simple.

It reminds me of the TV show LOST (cue up the trombone music) Every answer only brings more questions. Life is never really something we have a handle on. It’s not something we can control.

This is the uncomfortableness that most of us live in. The never knowing and the learning too late. I believe that God has answers and sometimes we’ll know why. The reason I struggle with this so much is it forces me to let go of the false idea that I’m in control.

It makes me think of my 10 year old and a question he asked last week. He asked if he could drive the car. I quickly said yes and he hurried to his seat behind the wheel. He was grinning ear to ear and then stopped and said; “ok, which one is the gas and which one is the brake?”.

My answer to him in that moment was “the answer’s not that easy” (and get in the back seat!) It’s not that I didn’t have the answer for him. It’s just that the answer was too much for him.

I wonder if sometimes God is saying the same thing. In His silence, He’s telling us that the answer isn’t easy. It’s an answer that we all need to hear. Because coming to the coming to the realization that “I don’t know” forces you to trust that something or someone bigger than you does know.

When we think we have all the answers we become our own source and idolatry is never far behind. Isn’t that how sin crept in in the first place? “You will be like God, knowing right from wrong”.

They say the devil deceived Adam & Eve by putting a question mark where God placed a period. I worry that today we lessen God’s influence on us by demanding a period where God has left us holding a question.

I’m trying to learn to take those question-filled moments and turn them into moments to thank God; channeling my frustration into awe for someone who has all the answers even when I’m in the dark. Because even though Judah still didn’t know which was the gas and which was the brake, he still had someone willing to take him safely home. And so do we.