I’ve been thinking about grudges/offenses/hurts/unforgiveness (especially as it relates to other believers) for a little while now. I’ve got a couple of people in my life who make me cringe when I think about them because thoughts about that person take me back to a not so fun time together. I will say up front that I have been extremely blessed. My life has been free from traumatic events. I have no abuse to forgive. No great injustice to grieve over. I’ve got no story like my friend Danny Wallace. (check him out for an amazing story of God’s faithfulness in a life that could have been filled with bitterness and struggle)

What I do have is insecurities and a list of grievances of people who have treated me unfairly. That list is shorter than it used to be, but I’ve been reviewing the list and came to this conclusion. 90% of the people on that list are believers. According to what I see in Scripture, I’m spending eternity with these folks. So here’s what I’m thinking…forever is a long time to hold a grudge.

Do I really think that four millenniums from now I’m still going to be ticked at brother so and so for what they said in the 90s? How ridiculous is that? So if it’s true that forgiveness will come eventually, why not start the process now?

Who’s that person in your world that you’re going to be in eternal fellowship with that you avoid today?

Let’s get this forgiveness thing started today. I’m not sure if we’ll be forgiving each other in heaven, but eternity is a long time to dodge someone. There’s going to be more important things to do with our time then.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been forced to have some really transparent conversations with several people. You could say I’ve killed a few elephants. It’s not been my favorite thing to do. When it comes to stuff about me, I’m really an open book. In many ways I’m way too transparent of a guy. But when it comes to “speaking the truth in love” with others (especially when that truth involves difficult topics) I would rather love and cover than reveal and confront.
*Disclaimer: I always love and cover people in front of others. I’m speaking about revealing and confronting directly with the person(s) involved.*

One of the challenges of being a leader in the church environment is our mandate to help others see real life change and create an environment of family. It is easy (and some people prefer) to just let things shake out however they shake out. Allowing things to just go under the radar and never addressing hindrances to true and honest relationships. What’s been amazing is that I’m finding that the more willing I’ve been to just get things out in the open the easier it is to move on and see improvement.

The Bible says “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) This verse speaks a few things to me.

• God puts us in relationships with others so we can sharpen each other.
• If you’re going to get sharper, sometimes sparks have to fly.
• There’s two ways to stay dull. Avoid relationships altogether or never let relationships get past the place of clashing.

God allows us to be family so we can help each other grow. I believe that requires us to create an environment of transparency and acceptance that enables true relationships that reach beneath the surface. Most relationships aren’t big enough for elephants to live in. I’ve been encouraged to go to others and confess my frustrations and/or mistakes, confirm my love for them and, in some cases, just agree to drop the past and choose to move forward.

What conversation have you been avoiding that is stopping your relationships from going deep? Who’s the person you need to “reset” your relationship with and green light them to speak into your world?