I’m looking for help. This post is about to get real so feel free to check out if you need to. I’ve got a few friends  (more than 1, less than 20) that are going through separation or divorce right now. A couple of those are the result of extramarital affairs. Here’s the deal though. While they are friends, some of them are people I haven’t really kept up with; just touched base with through Facebook or the annual phone call. I really don’t know how to handle these relationships while this is going on. If we were still close (I’m looking at you steadfast friendships) I would ABSOLUTELY CALL YOU OUT for mistreating your spouse and being an idiot. That isn’t the case here and I honestly don’t know how to act.

I get that divorce happens and I get that God’s grace can, and does, cover our mistakes and sins whatever they are. I also know that Scripture is pretty clear that God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) I’m also in no way saying that no one should ever get divorced, but if you come to me as a pastor my first response will always be that God wants to heal your marriage and see it restored.I’ve had the blessing of sitting down with one of my friends and honestly talking through his separation and praying with him through the process. That marriage appears to be ending but I at least see a repentant man trying to atone for his mistakes and love his family well through it.

The thing is that I’m not the type of friend who feels like I need to be involved in your business but I am the “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6) type of friend. I believe strongly that real, loving friendships are honest when it hurts and care more about the other person being right with God and their relationships than it does about being just on the surface and making sure no one’s feelings ever get hurt. So when these things start happening publicly I really don’t know how to react. I’ve sent messages to let people know I’m praying for their family. But what I really want to do is email some of the guys who’ve had affairs and ask them what the hell they were thinking.

So I need some help. How would you handle it if friends from your past starting doing things that destroyed their marriage and witness? Would you friend them on your social networks and pretend like nothing had or was happening? Would you call them out privately? Would you ignore them altogether? I’m wide open to hear your thoughts.

With the craziness of this week I don’t have time for a ‘real’ post so I thought I’d share the graphic I just completed for this weekend’s sermon. I got this great photo from this guy on Flickr. The font is “Ambulance Shotgun” and is available here. Hope you enjoy it!

*I should clarify that this list is not exhaustive. It’s just what’s mulling around in my brain right now.*

5 Things I’m dreaming about:

• A network that connects large church leaders to small church leaders and allows them to learn from each other and walk together
• A community of worshippers that are evangelistic, open hearted, Spirit sensitive and community oriented
• Writing songs that see the proverbial light of day
• Losing 50 (or more) pounds
• Living life in radical obedience

5 Things I love:

• Dancing with the one who brought you
• Family
• Freedom from appearing Christian to being Christ like
• Friends that are willing to go beyond the surface
• Serving others…especially those who don’t feel entitled

5 Things I hate

• Having to have it your way
• Lack of honesty
• Facade relationships
• My personal flaws
• Deification of church leadership

I’m going to break these down in upcoming blog posts. What’s some of your 5 things?

Yesterday my son did something we’d just discussed not doing the day before. We’ve told him that he can’t google or youtube anything without us there and without asking permission. Well during rehearsal he drifted to my office and decided to google something  completely innocuous. He didn’t realize until he saw me again that he’d been disobedient and broken the rules.

Initially I asked why he did it after discussing it just yesterday and I let him know I was going to follow through with my consequences I had laid out previously for him. As I watched the anguish, guilt and shame he was obviously feeling I couldn’t help but feel that I was looking at an 8 year old version of me. I finally asked his sister and mom to step out and sat him down for a heart to heart.

I told him that I knew EXACTLY how he felt. I told him I didn’t know how to help but I desperately wanted to. I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the times I’ve blown it in that exact way. He had no thought about it being wrong at the time. He only realized his gaffe after it was done. I told him about saying ‘I’m going to bed early this week’ only to remember it when my head hit the pillow at 2AM. Or the commitment to eat healthy and not remember until that Resees’ Egg was halfway gone or fasting sodas only to remember after that 2nd Coke at lunch.

You see, what crushes me as a dad is seeing my weaknesses passed on. I’m praying for ways to give my kids a leg up and a knowledge that they’re not the only ones who struggle. I want them to know they are accepted, loved and never alone. And I want them to be better than me.  In every imaginable way.

All I want to do is something that matters. Honestly. I want to wake up every day feeling like the things I’m heading toward matter to more than just my wallet. I know I have a job to do and mouths to feed, but if the truth could really be told I’d say that I really just want to know that what I do today will echo somewhere else. It’s just not enough for my heart to maintain the status quo.

I’m deeply crying out for the courage to do something real and radical. I want to see life change. I want to invest in others. I want to be more like Jesus. I want to matter. But I don’t want to matter in a way that makes me important. I want to do something that matters in the lives of others. Something that makes them more significant, more valued, more loved and leaves them feeling embraced by Jesus. And I know I’m not the only one.

Here’s the other scary thing I know. There’s someone else waiting on me to make a difference to and there’s someone waiting on you to find the courage and faith to live life loudly. I’m praying that God never stops pushing my heart towards more of Him and the life He wants me to live. I hope I never stop wanting to matter.