“Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca (tears)they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.”

Here’s hoping that your valley of tears turn into a spring of blessing.

“I love dancing with the one who brought you.”

I guess this is just my way of saying I love loyalty. I love that Lebron James still has his high school classmates surrounding him. Love it when I see people being loyal to those who loved them no matter what. I started disliking Roger Clemens the day he put on the pinstripes. It’s so tempting (or so I’ve heard) when you make it to the “next level” of life to forget about those who’ve walked with you in the previous seasons of your life.

It’s the reason I still make it a point to hang out with people I grew up going to church with and why I give them a steep discount when they ask me to come do something for them. I believe in dancing with the one that brought you. That’s not to say that God won’t open new doors of opportunity and friendship (or friends shouldn’t pay full price), but just don’t forget who taught you how to dance in the first place.

Have you left some dance partners in the dust or do you still make it a point to at least shimmy a little electric slide together occasionally?

I dream about “A network that connects large church leaders to small church leaders and allows them to learn from each other and walk together”.

When I lived outside of Atlanta I was about five minutes from this great church in Woodstock. I’ve heard nothing but good things about them and I’m sure they’re absolutely awesome. Every time I drove by there, though, I would always notice a small church right across the street from them. I have no idea if they’re connected or not, but it always made me wonder what that Pastor thinks when he leaves his church at looks across at what some locals used to call “Six Flags over Jesus”.

My network of friends that are pastors includes folks from larger churches and ones from smaller congregations. I’ve spent some considerable time thinking about what  it would look like if those large churches partnered with or connected to some of the smaller ones. I grew up in a denomination that had a lot of churches in it. Most of those churches, for good or for  bad, were small congregations.  In my ministry life I’ve been blessed to be a part of what I would consider to be mid-sized churches. The church I’m in currently had a little over a thousand folks here on Easter and averages about 550 on a Sunday.

It’s quite a different world from what I grew up seeing. I’ve learned about  leadership, excellence, structure and how to maximize the moments that people in a way I probably wouldn’t have if I would’ve just accepted the first pastorate offered to me at a church of 20 in New Bern, NC. I’ve got friends giving their lives and hearts to congregations that wouldn’t qualify as a small group at some larger churches. And I love them for that. My dream is that they would continue to be satisfied by Him in their called areas of service. I just dream of the day when that guy in that little church across the street (or down the road) can connect to those of us blessed to work in a larger environment.

And I don’t think the learning is a one way street. Sure larger churches could resource smaller churches with their left over technology buys and budgets, but we all have so much that we can glean from each other (that’s right; I just used glean in a sentence). I learn so much from people who serve in churches period. I have one friend whose pastorate at a small church continually teaches me that people matter. Another friend at a large church continually teaches me with his life that family matters more than ministry successes. I guess at the end of the day I would love to see those of us giving ourselves to the leading of the local church connect, learn and grow together.

Do you know of any local networks pulling this off? If not, how can we start it?

(PS: I’m not sure how I forgot this, but I’d especially love to see people reaching beyond their denominational, or non-denominational, borders and learning from people across the proverbial theological aisle. I grew up Pentecostal and would now consider myself a [mildly] liberal, charismatic believer, but I’ll tell you that my Baptist, Presbyterian & more liberal friends have helped me grow more spiritually than if I would’ve stayed cocooned in my personal church bubble and only listened to those just like me. I’m not say befriend heretics here, but I am saying that if we love Jesus and put Him first then there’s unity to be had there and lessons to be learned from each other.)

My last post stirred up a lot of conversation. If you didn’t get a chance to read it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Anytime you dive into things involving more than one person you always run into what I like to call “the three headed monster of truth”. Real truth; like Jesus died for your sins and loves you more than you know; has only one side to it. Ultimate truth is just that. It either is true or it isn’t. The problem with relationships with people is that it’s never that simple.

My Dad always told me: “There’s three sides to every story. There’s your side, my side and the truth.” The difficulty when it comes to walking with friends and their relationships is knowing the difference. My story is my truth and your story is yours. Truth, most of the time, is waiting for someone to be willing to find it. It’s not an easy thing to do. ‘An Inconvenient Truth” is more than just the name of an Al Gore documentary. The truth is rarely easy.

How do you (or do you) consistently push for truths in your friendships and from people that you’re walking through difficult times with? One of the ways that I try and do that is by asking questions that push a little beyond the surface and ask the Holy Spirit for some real time wisdom as I’m in those conversations.

They say the truth will set you free and it’s always my hope to help people find the courage to tell the truth to themselves and then allow the ultimate truth of God’s love to bring the freedom we all so desperately need.

I’m looking for help. This post is about to get real so feel free to check out if you need to. I’ve got a few friends  (more than 1, less than 20) that are going through separation or divorce right now. A couple of those are the result of extramarital affairs. Here’s the deal though. While they are friends, some of them are people I haven’t really kept up with; just touched base with through Facebook or the annual phone call. I really don’t know how to handle these relationships while this is going on. If we were still close (I’m looking at you steadfast friendships) I would ABSOLUTELY CALL YOU OUT for mistreating your spouse and being an idiot. That isn’t the case here and I honestly don’t know how to act.

I get that divorce happens and I get that God’s grace can, and does, cover our mistakes and sins whatever they are. I also know that Scripture is pretty clear that God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) I’m also in no way saying that no one should ever get divorced, but if you come to me as a pastor my first response will always be that God wants to heal your marriage and see it restored.I’ve had the blessing of sitting down with one of my friends and honestly talking through his separation and praying with him through the process. That marriage appears to be ending but I at least see a repentant man trying to atone for his mistakes and love his family well through it.

The thing is that I’m not the type of friend who feels like I need to be involved in your business but I am the “faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6) type of friend. I believe strongly that real, loving friendships are honest when it hurts and care more about the other person being right with God and their relationships than it does about being just on the surface and making sure no one’s feelings ever get hurt. So when these things start happening publicly I really don’t know how to react. I’ve sent messages to let people know I’m praying for their family. But what I really want to do is email some of the guys who’ve had affairs and ask them what the hell they were thinking.

So I need some help. How would you handle it if friends from your past starting doing things that destroyed their marriage and witness? Would you friend them on your social networks and pretend like nothing had or was happening? Would you call them out privately? Would you ignore them altogether? I’m wide open to hear your thoughts.