Living Unconsciously
I’m way too conscious of other people. My wife always tells me that. I tell her that it’s my Paul-esque gifting of “being all things to all people”. She thinks that’s cute. The truth is I do care what other people think and I’m jealous of people who don’t. People who are themselves, stubbornly and without apology, regardless of where they are or who they’re with. In some cases I feel sorry for them because they’re inflexibility won’t allow them to grow past a certain point of their own tolerance.
But most of the time I’m just jealous. They just seem completely unconscious about what others around them might be thinking. Impervious to the looks of “what are they doing?!” that may or may not be going on in the room. I don’t think these people callous I just think them alive. Fully aware of who they are and totally unconscious to whether other people are loving it or not.
In many ways I want to live more that way. I do feel like it’s part of my leadership gifting to be able to serve others and be aware of their needs. But I’m learning to draw the line between “I care about you and want to serve you” and “I care about what you think about me and want to be liked”. It’s an important distinction I think and one I need help making.
How about you? Do you live unconsciously or are you looking over your shoulder wondering who’s with you?
A counselor I once had, said "Be who you are, and let the world deal with the weight of it." Not that I could always do that. I remember reading Paul say he was “being all things to all people”, and thinking he was criticizing himself. He had more effect when he was being Paul, maybe.