I’m like a roller coaster. That’s the nicest way I know to put it.  Some people go through seasons. I feel like I go through hours. I can start a day fueled with fire to change the world and by five o’clock wonder why the world would ever want anything I have to offer.

Thing is I’m really tough on me. If you screwed up I’d still know that you’re valuable because of Scriptures x, y and z. If I screwed up? Let’s forget about it. Pack it up. Show’s over. I don’t know why that is, I just know it’s me being me. And sometimes that can be really annoying.

It seems so silly. You would think that my constant run-ins with God’s grace would have settled into a definitive pattern of trust and peace. He’s faithfulness is certainly new every morning and His mercy rises with the sun.  The problem is that there are many days that I feel wholly undeserving of any of it.

But I know, like little orphan Annie, ‘the sun will come out tomorrow’. And I’m betting my bottom dollar that scripture is true when it says that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. I’m one weaker brother that’s counting on His strength in more ways than one.

(Welcome to the new blog. The older posts you’ll see are from Merge Worship (my former blog) but Merge Worship is shutting down for now. I’m glad you decided to stop by today. Take off your shoes, drop your mask at the door and make yourself at home.)

My heart has been a little wrecked recently. There’s more than one explanation as to why that could be the case but none are really worth rehashing here. I was surprised by the way my heart has been revealing itself recently. Just the other day I sat down at the piano and this chorus came flowing out:

I want to tear down the walls of apathy and make believe

Take off the mask I wear of everything is perfect here

I wonder if I will ever find a place where I can just be me

I want to live…honestly

Now I hadn’t been doing a ton of thinking about living honestly but I will say that I live (and have for the past couple of years) in a state of what I call “holy discontent”. My heart has been heavy with the desire to be a great leader, a phenomenal Dad, a wonderful husband and a difference maker in the world for His sake. And the truth is that on any given day I feel like I stink at a number of those things but I don’t know who I’d actually say that to. I have a great wife, amazing family and wonderful friends but some days I still feel all alone.

In many ways I think I just want to be able to be real. Human. Honest. Broken.

Do you ever wonder if you’ll ever find honesty? Do you ever dream of a place where you can share all your stuff and hear truth and love in response? I do.

Klaus--”Glory” It’s not so much this song as it is this entire record that I’m into currently.

Desperation Band-- “Overcome” If this bridge doesn’t motivate you to worship and “testify”, I don’t know what will.

*the book of love* (for anyone who might be offended this song does have one “bad” word in it)

I am in the middle of trying to overhaul my blog and have been a little light on the postings over the last couple of months. I thought I’d drop in and throw on some graphics we’ve been using recently. The first one is for our church’s series “REACTS”. We’ve been going through Acts 1-6 and using RE words for the first through “renew/reignite/revolution”. Anyway…we went through 5 designs and I’m including the top 3 here. Also, at the bottom you’ll see a Valentine Graphic I did for a friend. Feel free to use any of these you’d like if you find reason for them.

(My favorite)

(Another look)
(Valentine’s Series)

It was interesting to hear from people about what they saw in each graphic. Our responses ranged from water-electricity on # 1, modern-”the devil” on #2 & ancient-Survivor on #3.

I spent some time at a spot outside of Nashville in prayer and reflection. I rarely take the time to get away just for that but was so blessed that today was one of those days. I thought I’d share one of my prayers here with you: